SciMom

It is fitting that I write this post from my office at work. I am in to start an experiment. I am missing Monkey's bedtime tonight, but I will miss little else throughout the week. Also, importantly, this particular experiment will end on Friday, not Saturday, which would be tricky tricky with Dalen headed out of town to his much needed and anticipated fishing trip. There was a movement started this week on Twitter for all science moms to get on their blogs, personal and otherwise, and blog about it. So here I am, sharing my story (albeit unofficial contribution) with the faithful reader's of Westin's blog. There is this perception that being a working scientist mom is tough, a perception that won't be disputed here. But I will argue that it is most certainly doable and me being a woman does NOT put me at a disadvantage. Yes, I work in a male dominated field. Yes, there are some people that wonder if I have lost my edge since having my baby (the edge being the willingness to work 16 hour days OR schedule ridiculous experiments at all hours). Yes, there are some people who eye me suspiciously because I might 'pop out' another child at any moment (honestly, is there ever really 'popping out' when it comes to childbirth?). Yes, there are scientists who don't think that I belong, because of my pedigree or gender or the fact that I really like to wear green. To all of this, I have to say: WHO FREAKIN' CARES?.

For a long time, I did. For a long time, I thought that I wouldn't get married, I wouldn't have kids, all in the name of Science; all to prove that yet another Woman could be a successful scientist so that the next generation of women wouldn't have to prove so damn much or work so damn hard. Newsflash: You will always have to work hard; you will always have a lot to prove. Well, I turned out not to be a very good martyr--and yet, shockingly, I am still here doing science, in exactly the job I wanted. Seriously. I am 8 months into my tenure track faculty position. I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to 'balance' a damn thing. And you know what the craziest part is? It's okay. Really. I am so freakin' lucky! I have a wonderful husband who stays at home with our son. It's great! We live close to work, so my hefty commute is about a 6 block walk. We have a wonderful house. Yes, I (we) am (are) still struggling on how to keep the house clean*, balance our little budget, get exercise, have quality adult time, eat good home cooked food--this happens not as a side show, but, concurrently with the Job. At work, I have a K22 grant--somehow in this crazy economic climate I got a job on the first try and a grant on the second. Kismet? Maybe. I have some experiments planned that will give me some pubs and preliminary data for the next grant. I am protected from teaching to make all of this happen and a healthy start-up to boot. I try not to come home too tired so that I don't ruin all of Dalen's hard work with some stupid parenting decision. (Westin is already learning when to strike Mama when she is weak.). I try not to stress or worry about things in the future that are beyond my control. You see, I want to build a LIFE, not a career so much, as a life. That means I want to do good science, teach the next generation well, be a good wife and a good mother. Is all the struggle worth it? Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. But I will say this, I can have my family without the science, I can not do the science without my family. Do I want it all? Damn straight! Is it doable? I don't know. Like I said, I don't have all of the answers, and if you will excuse me, I do have some cells to infect.....

*Dalen and I divide household chores. For the record, I am the only one who struggles to keep my checklist checked. If it weren't for the valiant efforts of Dalen, we would totally be on that Hoarders show....